How a Stay at Home Mother Became a Heroin Dealer – Part 3 of 3

Sarah, editor for Heroin NewsBelow is the final part (part 3 of 3) part of Sarah’s story of how she went from a stay at home mom to becoming a heroin dealer.   Before reading Part 3, we strongly recommend reading the first two parts.  See “How a Stay at Home Mom Became a Heroin Dealer – Part 1” and “How a Stay at Home Mom Became a Heroin Dealer – Part 2

If you’re like me, these stories evoke a lot of anger when reading it.  But keep in mind it’s because the perspectives written about in the stories are from an active addict who moonlights as a heroin dealer to continue feeding her addiction.  This 3 part story is about Sarah’s past.    So while this particular article may invoke some strong emotions, we ask that you remember that this was in the past and Sarah has made restitution for her heroin dealing days.  Please be respectful in your comments.

Today, Sarah’s attitude is completely different and she deeply regrets ever getting involved in substance use and drug dealing.  However, this part of her past made her the recovery advocate that she is today.  Thus, even though if we’re honest with ourselves, we’d probably want to change at least a few things we’ve experienced in the past, they were necessary to bring us where we’re at and make us who we are today.

Sarah is now in long-term recovery and hasn’t dealt drugs in a long time.  She’s now part of the Kill the Heroin Epidemic Nationwide team and as the Associate Publisher, she is responsible for managing and editing the Heroin News Facebook page.  In addition to creating and publishing excellent heroin news, addiction and recovery related content, she makes the occasional video under her name and the nickname “The Tattooed Advocate”.

How a Stay at Home Mom Became a Heroin Dealer – Part 3

recovery is possibleI will admit, there was a very real thrill to the idea of being a heroin dealer.  Ask anyone who has known me since I was a kid and they will tell you that I was the last person anyone ever thought would become a heroin addict.  Believe me, I’ve heard it. If those same people knew about the darker side of me, as a dealer of death, they would probably swear you were lying, then talk about me behind my back, which I’m sure they already do.  back. Real talk.

Everything was gravy for the first couple weeks. There was only a couple minor hiccups and that was with the customers. There were a couple chicken head addicts that flat out refused to call me for their dope. Period. They were told by Adam and myself. They were sent text messages. I don’t know if they were that high and didn’t realize what they were doing or if they just couldn’t read but it took us cutting them off in order for them to conform. All but one, and she was nasty about the entire situation.

After almost two months of dealing drugs, our “client” base had expanded, and the original ones had started spending more money. With an increase in demand for heroin came with an increase in the supply.  We made enough money selling to offset our habit. Hell, we offset our habit and some of our closest friend’s habits. We didn’t have a lot of traffic in and out of the house, but we would invite people over for dinner and everyone would be getting high. Adam had to kick one of his friends out one day because he was so high, he was bent over in the chair and could’ve licked his ankles. I don’t know why but that is where the line was drawn for what our kids would see. I remember leaving a couple hours later, that same day, seeing his friend bent over the arm rail of the apartments down the street. He was high as hell and had no clue what was going on. I gave him shit about it the next time I saw him.

Responsible Heroin Dealing?

Drug DealerResponsible drug dealing is an oxymoron, but I called myself a walking anomaly. I knew each and every one of our clients, even the men. If I didn’t hear from someone for a couple days, I would do a check to see what was up. Usually they didn’t have any money and didn’t want to ask us for a front without guarantee pay. I would go visit with my pencil box and help them “get well”, in other words, give them heroin to stop them from being dope sick.  Sometimes they would have been arrested. That is what happens leading this lifestyle. The rest of them would be off in addiction treatment, forced by their loved ones, or trying to kick the habit, cold turkey. Thankfully and luckily, I never lost a single person to heroin overdose.

Eventually, I started handling more aspects of the business. I would meet our heroin distributor if Adam was sleeping or on a run. I would pre-weigh “packages” in order to keep the time down on rush orders. I even started charging for deliveries past midnight. If you wanted heroin and it was after that golden time, I charged an extra ten dollars per shoe.  . At first, Adam doubted that people would pay that. But they did just so they could get their rushed order and they weren’t sick in the middle of the night.

Typing all of this out bring back so many stories.  While some were good, a lot is bad.  There are so many things that I have done that I’m not proud of.  I held a lot of collateral that people never came back for.  I would run to the pawn shop to sell jewelry that our “clients” would bring as a form of payment. I had some beautiful rings that Adam kept back for me. One was a full karat, princess cut diamond. I don’t even want to know what it was purchased for initially from the store.

Looking Back and Sarah’s New Thoughts About Her Heroin Dealing Days

Sarah and AdamIn the end, Adam and I had a habit that was ridiculously dangerous and irresponsible. I seriously look back and wonder how the hell I actually made it out alive. I held my own with him. We split roughly six grams of heroin a day.  I was snorting half gram lines at my low point but up to a gram line when we had company over. I never nodded out though, and I was always overly aware of things going on..

Watching Adam use was always scary to me. I never knew if that would be it. I always hated going on runs and leaving him at the house when I knew that it was about time for him to get high. I never knew if I was going to come home and find him dead. The six times he fell out, I was watching him like a hawk. I don’t know why but something would tell me to be weary of him. I would march him into the bathroom, put him in the tub, turn the faucet on cold, and have him say his ABCs repeatedly until he could tell me his full name and what day it was. Don’t ask me what made me think of all this.  To this day, I still couldn’t tell you. What I can tell you is that I have saved more than just Adam with that technique.

On top of the monster heroin habit we had, the business aspect shifted. I was doing more of the running, and I was meeting with our heroin distributor more. Adam would stay at home and either enjoy his buzz or be paranoid out of this world.  Ice use didn’t help that issue any. I always hoped that he was sending me out on runs more because he trusted me, but I doubt that was it. He would call me numerous times asking me what was taking so long and I would only be gone for ten minutes. I got into the habit of texting him something silly as I was leaving so that I would have a timestamp for when I left.

Looking back now on my life as a heroin dealer, my heart becomes constricted. This time last year, Adam and I had a home with our boys and we made a living the only way that we knew how at the time. We had tried to get into addiction treatment here and there, but the waiting lists took forever or we never received calls back.  I am not proud of what I was doing, not by any means of the manner but I do miss a small part of those days. It’s not the heroin dealing I miss. I miss my family. I miss my companion. I miss my rock. I miss my space.

Sarah’s Recovery Today

Almost a year later, I am still sober. Almost a year after everything fell apart, I can honestly say that I have no desire to use. I am so happy where I am at now in my life. Fortunately, I shared a piece of my drug addiction and recovery story on this forum on my eight month clean date. This intrigued our founder and my boss William and he contacted me via messenger. We chatted back and forth for roughly a week before he asked how I felt about joining his team. I was overly ecstatic.

When I came home from jail, doing what I am doing right this second is my dream. I want to write a book about what I have gone through, but I don’t know how well that will go since I write in circles. I want to help people. I want to show society that just because I was a heroin addict and just because I sold heroin doesn’t make me a bad person. I refuse to allow my past to define me and I refuse to live in some box that people want to keep me in because they flat out refused to try and understand the life or mindset of an addict.

Addiction is a very real disease, and heroin addiction is killing people left and right. If we don’t get a handle on this epidemic, we are going to lose more loved ones than we care to admit. Not just that, what type of world are we creating for future generations? Why continue to spew hate and venom at people who suffer from a disease that is derived from some sort of underlying cause that typically dates back several years? Why is it so damn hard for the general public to be accepting and compassionate for our fellow human being these days?

The End

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Written By, Sarah – Associate Publisher and Forum Co-Moderator For Kill the Heroin Epidemic Nationwide™
Edited and Published By, William – Publisher and Founder

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One thought on “How a Stay at Home Mother Became a Heroin Dealer – Part 3 of 3

  1. Congratulations on being clean & your courage to tell your story. On February 14, 2017 (today is December 29,2016), so in a little over a month, my fiancé & I will have 3 years clean. I too did a lot in my past I am not proud of & heroin took my kids & nearly my life. After almost 3 years of working our asses off, we have our kids, bought a house, jobs & most importantly, our lives back. Keep doing what you’re doing. Congratulations!!!

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