This article was anonymously submitted to us early this morning. We have replied to the woman to see if we can help her find a rehab or a solution to help her with her ongoing problem. Our heart truly goes out to this woman on Christmas Day. Christmas is the day for miracles. Let’s hope and pray she can get the help she needs to stop using drugs.
It’s Christmas day and I’m using drugs. I just can’t help it. I don’t want to, I hate it. I even hate myself. I’ve been using heroin and Cocaine for far too long. But I just don’t know how to quit. And I don’t know how to admit it to my husband. He would be devastated. So here I am, Christmas morning, sneaking away from the family to use Cocaine…and why? To wake myself up. I’m too tired to function without it and without heroin, I get sick. Heroin doesn’t even get me high anymore. I experiment with different stamps and once in awhile I think I might feel something. But by the end of the day, I’m using 7 or 8 bags at a time and I don’t feel any difference. Sometimes I pretend I do and close my eyes and sometimes I even fall asleep. I try to convince myself it’s the heroin giving me that good nod and sleep but it’s really not. It might be “helping” a little. But for the most part, it’s just me…very tired catching up on sleep.
How I Started Using Heroin and Cocaine
I didn’t start out this way. I was a La Cross player in high school but in college, I started experiencing depression. I was diagnosed by I refused to take any medication. I know now that this was a mistake. So I met a few girls who liked to party. I resisted at first but eventually gave in. I missed home and it was difficult to get up to go to class. I could tell my depression was getting worse. So I caved…I used Cocaine and it woke me up! I looked forward to waking up so I could use and get to class. But I had to excuse myself to the bathroom quite frequently. Eventually, it became noticeable, but nobody could prove it.
Heroin relaxed me. When I first used it, I got sick and threw up. But I knew by taking less I could enjoy the euphoric feeling that came along with it. It worked. After awhile I couldn’t stop or I would get sick. So I would always start my morning off by using a couple bags of the “best” heroin on Campus followed by Cocaine to wake me up for class.
By the end of the day though, I started feeling anxious and depressed. I was told this was a side effect of too much Cocaine. Even taking more Cocaine didn’t help that much, I had to wait out the feeling. Taking extra heroin helped, but I ended up taking a lot more heroin at night than in the day.
Supporting My Drug Addiction
I obviously needed money to support my drug addiction. Heroin and Cocaine did not come cheap. Thankfully, my parents had money and usually didn’t question it when I asked for more. But after awhile it became obvious something was going on. Both my teachers and my parents started asking questions. I denied everything and just said I was using the money for various clubs and charities I was involved in – until one teacher explored and investigated things further and saw that I wasn’t involved in any of the clubs I said I was involved in.
I was kicked out of college and ended up in drug rehab. Medical detox helped but I still felt sick. After 60 days, I felt sober but I wasn’t happy. I missed using drugs. So within the next week, I was using again; slowly at first because my tolerance had gone down. God, did I miss the actual euphoric feeling heroin brought from not using it for awhile. It was nice to experience a high without having to spend so much. My plan was to use only a little once in awhile. I figured, what the hell…if I can control it then I don’t have a problem, right?
It’s Christmas Day and I’m Using Drugs
My plan didn’t work. I struggled on and off and now I’m back on again. I’m married with children and my husband already left me once. I am ashamed that I’m using again but I don’t know where to turn. My husband works and makes “ok” money but I don’t have the “right” kind of insurance to get into a private drug rehab facility again. Heroin is my main addiction. I only use Cocaine once in awhile…for get-togethers and stuff.
It’s Christmas Day and I’m a closet drug addict. I want to stop and be substance free. But I feel enslaved like many of you. What do we do? What is the solution? Is there a happy ending to this story? Or will I end up alone, living on the streets or become a statistic? I can only pray that God saves me now. After all,Christmas is a day for miracles…isn’t it?
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Written by Anonymous – Kill the Heroin Epidemic Nationwide™, Heroin News, and the National Alliance of Addiction Treatment Centers (NAATC)
Edited by William Charles, Owner/Founder/Publisher
We are a community for recovering heroin addicts providing support and recommending the best treatments and clinics to people interested in conquering their addiction.
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