Born Again - My Addiction and Recovery Story

[Deftones89]

Hey everyone! I'm new here and would like to share my story. I hope it can help or inspire someone who is going through it. I know all to well that heroin causes pain and misery like no other. It is the most evil thing I have come across in my life. I started out using OxyContin when I was 17, at first it was just a weekend thing. That didn't last long, pills were becoming more expensive and harder to find. Then I met what I thought was the love of my life...heroin. I started stealing, scamming, lying, selling drugs to support my habit and taking advantage of every person in my life. I isolated, would just stay in my room shooting up dope all day everyday. My health was declining, I was losing so much weight from not eating properly. I would go days without showering, didn't give a crap about how horrible I looked. I'm going to share some lyrics from a song called "Phantom Bride" by the Deftones, i'm positive that most all heroin addicts can relate to this.
"

Inside of this hole you create

You hide from yourself

You separate every belief that is true

And you spent your life

Attached to this poison

You don't feel anything out of the rain

And it's true that

You spend your life

Trapped in this void

Where you will stay always

Can't rid of this thought you rotting in

This same cold space

You don't want to feel anything new, you've decided

To spend your life safe from emotion

This way you'll never be harmed again or confused now"

For 9 years of using heroin, those lyrics are exactly how I felt. Although it's an amazing song, the true beauty is that now those lyrics are not relevent to my life now. In May of this year I just couldn't take it anymore. I checked myself into rehab and just celebrated 6 months clean. This is my first attempt at living a sober life and I will do everything in my power to make sure relapse is not a part of my story. I am truly the happiest I have been in years. I have a wonderful, loving, supportive family, a job that I enjoy with great co-workers and in the last 6 months I have met awesome people in recovery that have made a huge impact in my life. Not everyday is easy and I still have those thoughts, but i'll be damned if I let the devil win. I just want anyone who is struggling to know that there is hope and to not be afraid to reach out to someone. Someone out there needs you to keep living.💜

[William - Publisher of this Community]

Deftones,

Welcome to our heroin addiction and recovery discussion forum community. When I saw your username I was wondering if you were referring to the band, turns out you were :-). Congratulations on your recovery. It's amazing how lyrics and music really speak to us. Those lyrics are powerful and I see how and why you related to them. I kind of get that shill down my spine when I read them because I remember being there. I remember being trapped in my own void. Life today, isn't always easy, but at least I'm free and so are you :-).

So out of curiosity, what did you do to get clean? Did you go to a treatment center, attend meetings, go cold turkey, go to detox or use MAT? We are a non-judgmental community and are accepting of all forms of treatment. So if you are willing to share that with us, we are here to listen :-).

I look forward to your ongoing participation.

Peace and Love,

William

[Deftones89]

I love the Deftones! They are amazing! I went into a 28 day rehab facility, while I was there I did a 5 day Subutex taper. When I left rehab I made the decision to get the Vivitrol shot, I am also still in outpatient treatment. The psych doctor at the outpatient center diagnosed me with anxiety and add, and after trying several meds for anxiety I am finally on the right combination which helps a lot. I am not a huge fan of meetings, I only go to 1 a week because it's the only one I found that for the most part sends a positive message. I have a sponsor who is amazing, not judgemental at all. So far what i've been doing is working, so i'm going to stick to it☺

[William - Publisher of this Community]

Deftones,

That's great! Do you mind if I ask which treatment center you went to? And is the outpatient facility you are attending now the same as the inpatient drug rehab you went to? And how did you like it there? I encourage you to write a review in the "Reviews of Treatment Centers, Clinics, Rehabs, Etc" discussion forum.

Like you, I'm not a huge fan of NA or AA meetings. Don't get me wrong, they are great for some people but they just aren't for me overall. I prefer smaller groups where everyone can and has an opportunity to share, where there's no judgment.

I'm glad you feel you are on the right medication and that you feel better overall. Keep up the great work!

Peace and Love,

William

[Deftones89]

I went to White Deer Run in Lebanon, PA...that place was horrible and I will write a review at some point. My outpatient treatment is at TW Ponessa in Harrisburg where I live and is not affiliated with WDR.