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  • Dumped by herion addict

    My heart is broke. Was single for 2 years and then met a lovely man. Exciting and loving. He adored my 4 year old. I found out he was a recovering herion addict but I had already fallen in love. He stole from me and regretted it and said he wanted help. He's been in and out of prison for theft for years. He moved in quite quick and I supported him when he started back on herion. I fed him, loved him, forgave his stealing. He had me hooked on him. Then a few months ago he stayed away alot as police want him for a recall. He hardly contacted me, was verbally abusive and no reason for not coming here. The ladt night he was here he said he loved me and would help raise my child. I havnt seen him since. He told someone he's met a new proper woman who supports him and he's loved up. He called me a stalker and said I'm a loon. I messaged him cause I thought he was lying dead somewhere. I'm gutted he would fall in love again so quick. Will he do the same to his new woman? Did he love me at all? I believe he is a narcissist too. Lies alot, thinks he's inferior, put me down, blamed everyone for his bad luck. Why did he give me empty promises and why would he go onto a new woman so quick? I need answers to understand this. We were very in love.

  • #2
    Knocktallon,

    Welcome to our heroin addiction and recovery discussion forum community. I can really feel for you and honestly, I have a friend who is sort of going through something similar although not exactly. But I will say this. As a recovering heroin addict, I certainly believe in the capability and power of change through the power of God, the desire to get clean, hard work and perseverance. But relapse is very common amongst people who suffer from the disease of addiction. When it happens, it often takes over and the only thing that’s important anymore becomes the drug. At the very least, it becomes top priority.

    Without typing a whole lot and explaining exactly how addiction affects the brain, I will tell you that whoever the real man is that you fell in love with, isn’t the same when he is actively using. The disease changes people and it is very common for an active addict to lie, cheat, manipulate and steal all in order to continue obtaining an using drugs. People, whether the addict loves them or not, become one of two things: an obstacle they have to overcome to get their drug of choice or, a tall they can use to get their drug of choice.

    When they are using, they will say anything and everything they can to attempt to use you as a tool and if it doesn’t work, they will abandon you and do whatever they can to overcome you as an obstacle. It’s possible that if he said while using, that he would help you raise your son and he loves you - that he said that in an attempt to manipulate you to help him get drugs or at least get off his back about not using anymore. I don’t know the specifics of the situation, but that’s likely true. Now whether or not there was a part of him that meant what he said, that’s another story. He may have genuine feelings for you, but those feelings are pushed down by the disease of addiction and genuine feelings of love take a backseat to the compulsion to get and use his drug of choice.

    If he met you during his recovery and fell in love with you, my guess is that he was genuinely love with you. He might even still be. But if he is actively using, he is looking for what he feels is the best partner to be used as a tool to continue getting drugs. It’s not about love anymore, it’s about convenience. And that’s very sad.

    On the other hand however, it’s not your job to save him. Yes you can try to encourage him to get into treatment, I know you love him so you’re inclined to try to get him back, etc. If he is actively using, no matter how much you love him, it’s best that you stay away. I know that’s hard to hear, and I’m sure you don’t even really totally understand. But the nature of the disease is that as long as somebody is using, they will take you down with them before you can get them well. That doesn’t necessarily mean that he will convince you to use drugs, but if you decided to let him use you as a tool, he will drain your bank accounts, all your resources, and once you’ve lost everything, he will still move onto the next resource.

    Now, you mentioned narcissism… In a lot of ways, the disease of addiction makes people while they are actively using act like a narcissist. The question is, who is or was he when he was not using? If he is truly a narcissist in conjunction with being an addict, then your best bet Is to stay away no matter what your heart is telling you. And even if he’s not a narcissist, as long as he is actively using drugs, my advice is to mourn and grieve the loss in any healthy way you can and stay away. Hang out with close friends, go to the gym and work out, do something you love to do, and when you’re ready, go out there and meet new people… And somebody who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

    As for this gentleman, I surely can understand what he is going through since I’ve been there. But I also know that when we are actively using, our primary concern is for drugs and it doesn’t matter to you step on to get them. Women have literally sold them selves to very disgusting men while cheating on a very good man that wants them to get help to get drugs because they didn’t want to go tthrough withdrawal or simply didn’t want to give up their drugs. That’s just one example of what people do when they are actively using and addicted. It’s a horrible disease that affects the mind, body and the soul.

    I’m not sure if any of this information helps, but I do encourage you to surf the website more And read content that will help you understand it more. Participate in other topics and talk to people here as I’m sure you’ll find a lot of people can relate to you.

    I Look forward to your response and your participation on this forum.

    Peace and love,

    William
    Publisher of Kill the Heroin Epidemic Nationwide™, Heroin News and the National Alliance of Addiction Treatment Centers.

    Find a Prescreened Addiction Treatment Center & Drug Rehab Facility

    Visit our Heroin Addiction & Recovery Blog for daily articles.

    I do my best to educate myself regarding addiction and recovery related issue, treatment options, etc. however, I am not a medical professional. All opinions are my own and any advice you take from me is at your own risk and discretion

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks for the reply. In my heart I know he's no good for me. I'm just hurt that he left me and met someone else and said she's a proper woman and he's loved up. Omg it was only 2 months ago he said he loved me and we were in a relationship. I feel so used and heartbroken. Was it all a lie? How can he love someone else so quick

      Comment


      • #4
        Knockatallon,

        I don't believe it was all a lie, although once he started using drugs again, I guarantee that he told you at least some lies. I'm sure he loved or even loves you still but addiction will always take the upper hand and people who are actively using drugs will typically take precedent over anything else. I know it's hard to break the tie, but as long as he's using, I strongly recommend disconnecting as much as possible.

        Peace and Love,

        William
        Publisher of Kill the Heroin Epidemic Nationwide™, Heroin News and the National Alliance of Addiction Treatment Centers.

        Find a Prescreened Addiction Treatment Center & Drug Rehab Facility

        Visit our Heroin Addiction & Recovery Blog for daily articles.

        I do my best to educate myself regarding addiction and recovery related issue, treatment options, etc. however, I am not a medical professional. All opinions are my own and any advice you take from me is at your own risk and discretion

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by William - Publisher of this Community View Post
          Knockatallon,

          I don't believe it was all a lie, although once he started using drugs again, I guarantee that he told you at least some lies. I'm sure he loved or even loves you still but addiction will always take the upper hand and people who are actively using drugs will typically take precedent over anything else. I know it's hard to break the tie, but as long as he's using, I strongly recommend disconnecting as much as possible.

          Peace and Love,

          William
          Why would he leave me then? He has totally blocked me out of his life. To tell people he's met a proper woman who is giving him the push he needs and he's loved up. That's the question I need answered. Also when he dies get clean will he realise the hurt he's caused ? We fell in love when he was drug free so dies that mean when he is clean again hel feel remorse for hurting me? In your opion why do u think he left me

          Comment


          • Joann Miller
            Joann Miller commented
            Editing a comment
            I would like to say thank you for not looking at this guy and screaming "gross junkie" and running away when you found out he was using. However, the only part of that reaction that would have been wrong would have been the name calling part. You have only known this guy for a short amount of time and in about three paragraphs you have listed just about every possible reason why you shouldn't be dealing with this guy if you were single, much less with a child involved.

            Do you understand that Child Welfare removes children from homes where suspected heroin use is happening right?

            This guy clean might be a wonderful wonderful man, but let's face it he isn't clean and you have a little boy that needs healthy examples of what a man is. You don't want the kind of hell in your life that loving an addict brings. It would be one thing if you two had been together for years and all of a sudden he relapsed and even then it would be best that he was not in the home with your child.

            As a new guy, hands down, he has to go. As for your question of why he ran off...that is easy. He ran off because he found an easier situation. It has nothing to do with you, your child, or the new chick. Everything is about heroin. Somehow or some way his new situation must make having heroin easier. Maybe she has more disposable income that she gives him, maybe she does dope too, maybe her house is close to his dopeman who knows.

            All that he cares about is getting high right now. Anything that takes away from that is a problem. He doesn't have time to nurture a relationship with you or your child, even if he wants to. Judging by all the horrible things he has done to you in such a short amount of time, it should be clear to you that you need to count your blessings and never look back.

            You are very lucky if he is gone and you still have your child, your job, your home and 1/2 the possessions you had when he moved in. I am sorry if this seems harsh but I promise you can do better. You will actually be better with just you and your child than with this guy any day. Oh, and yes, he will do the same to this new chick ( if there even is a new chick ) Oh and the chances of him coming to the realization that he made a mistake treating you poorly is not likely. If he has been using very long you are probably just one on a very long list of others he has treated just the same.

            MOVE ON AND FAST...IF HE TRIES TO COME BACK CALL THE COPS.

        • #6
          Thanks so much. You have made more sense that anyone else. I know he's no good but I just needed answers.

          Comment


          • Joann Miller
            Joann Miller commented
            Editing a comment
            I am sorry that you got caught up in all of that. I know most addicts have silver tongues and are amazing at seeming to be exactly what you need them to be. The problem is that they can never hold it together so you always end up getting hurt. It's tough being a single mom and trying to find a partner also. I was there. Take your sweet time. Enjoy your little boy because before you know it he will be more interested in his friends than his mommy. There is always time after that for mommy to meet someone to fill her time.

            If you don't mind my asking is his father around at all? Do you have much of a support system where you live? So you haven't ever abused drugs of any kind? If not boy, are you a lucky one. What I wouldn't give to be able to smoke just one joint, take just one pill, or have just one drink. Wasn't in the cards for me. I used opiates/opioids for twenty years. It is a monster to get rid of. It's not the kind of fight you want to take on for a man who doesn't know what he has in you, to begin with.

            Hope you are okay, just remember your heartbreak will heal and as long as you surround yourself with people that you see going to work every day, that treats family the way family should be treated, and that cherishes you the way you cherish him..you will find the right one. I promise.

        • #7
          Hi. I have never touched drugs. I'm a good person. My daughter's dad let her down over and over. I split with him 2 years ago. He did exactly the same to me. He stole lied and took cocaine. It took 2 years to trust again and the same thing was done to me all over again. 2 question. Why would he love again so quick and from declaring in love in Nov to no contact at all. He told someone I was a stalker and a loon. I am not, I was worried about him and contacted all his mates because I thought he was lying dead somewhere. Do u think he loved me at all and when he gets clean will he regret losing me? I met him when he was drug free and we were so good together. In your experience do they change for the next woman? He said he's loved up

          Comment


          • Joann Miller
            Joann Miller commented
            Editing a comment
            No, I don't believe that he loves this new woman. To be honest I wouldn't be surprised if they isn't even another women at all. I mean who is telling you that he is saying these things that will obviously hurt you? No matter what it isnt about another woman. I know that is hard to understand from where you are sitting but it isnt. If he is doing heroin then his one and only real love is heroin. No one else matters. Women turn their back on their kids for heroin, so that is why it was so easy from him to turn his back on you. Addicts want to look as though they have their shit together so of course he puts out there that he had to move on from you because he found this wonderful woman that is all that you werent. That is prob because it was getting too hard for him with you. I promise you did nothing wrong and nothing you could have done aside for spending your entire day out making money for his drug habit could have kept him with you. I hope this helps

        • #8
          Knock,

          I'm not sure what that last post is supposed to be but it looks like you inadvertently copied and pasted all the content from the previous discussion. I will try to see if there is a new comment in there, if not I will delete it.

          I will respond to your previous comments soon.

          Peace and Love,

          William
          Publisher of Kill the Heroin Epidemic Nationwide™, Heroin News and the National Alliance of Addiction Treatment Centers.

          Find a Prescreened Addiction Treatment Center & Drug Rehab Facility

          Visit our Heroin Addiction & Recovery Blog for daily articles.

          I do my best to educate myself regarding addiction and recovery related issue, treatment options, etc. however, I am not a medical professional. All opinions are my own and any advice you take from me is at your own risk and discretion

          Comment


          • #9
            Knockatallon,

            Was the below something you posted or something someone else posted?

            Hi. I have never touched drugs. I'm a good person. My daughter's dad let her down over and over. I split with him 2 years ago. He did exactly the same to me. He stole lied and took cocaine. It took 2 years to trust again and the same thing was done to me all over again. 2 question. Why would he love again so quick and from declaring in love in Nov to no contact at all. He told someone I was a stalker and a loon. I am not, I was worried about him and contacted all his mates because I thought he was lying dead somewhere. Do u think he loved me at all and when he gets clean will he regret losing me? I met him when he was drug free and we were so good together. In your experience do they change for the next woman? He said he's loved up
            Peace and Love,

            William
            Publisher of Kill the Heroin Epidemic Nationwide™, Heroin News and the National Alliance of Addiction Treatment Centers.

            Find a Prescreened Addiction Treatment Center & Drug Rehab Facility

            Visit our Heroin Addiction & Recovery Blog for daily articles.

            I do my best to educate myself regarding addiction and recovery related issue, treatment options, etc. however, I am not a medical professional. All opinions are my own and any advice you take from me is at your own risk and discretion

            Comment


            • #10
              Originally posted by William - Publisher of this Community View Post
              Knock,

              I'm not sure what that last post is supposed to be but it looks like you inadvertently copied and pasted all the content from the previous discussion. I will try to see if there is a new comment in there, if not I will delete it.

              I will respond to your previous comments soon.

              Peace and Love,

              William
              Hi. I copied and pasted by mistake. My question is will he change for his new woman? I'm so hurt by this. They are still together. That's 2 months now. She's not a user. He was in love with me in Nov and now he's in love with someone else so quick. I gave my all to this man. I had been single for 2 years and when j met him we just clicked. We had such a connection. Why has this man left me and hooked up with someone else so quick? He was drug free when I met him but he met new woman whilst using. When he gets clean will he regret leaving me or will he stick with the new woman? Is it normal for an addict to fall in love so easily? We had an amazing chemistry and I'm really confused. Why would he say he loved me and make plans for the future and then walk away into the arms of someone else? Will he treat her the same?

              Comment


              • #11
                Hi. Joann Miller. How do I contact you please via pm?. You have helped me so much already. I just have a few more questions and would like to send a private message pls

                Comment


                • #12
                  Knockatallon,

                  There’s no way unfortunately, for anyone to tell how much feelings he has for you vs this other woman. However, I can say is that people who are actively using and or in active addiction will not change for anyone, they have already changed for their drug. As I have previously described, people are either tools or obstacles to somebody who is an active addict. If he is acting different towards her, then toward you, it’s likely because she is allowing his drug behavior to continue where as you are not. It has nothing to do with feelings, but regarding how he views the two of you… As in, a tool versus an obstacle.

                  As you know however, feelings are very complex and I don’t want to use this principle in attempt to fully describe his behavior however, generally speaking, this is how active addict operates.

                  Another thing I want to say, is, couples do break up all the time with or without drugs involved. Often times, the person who is left behind is constantly contemplating what’s wrong with them or whether or not the other person still loves them. This is very normal however, it is unlikely that we will get these answers. And there’s really no way anybody can give them to you except the individual themselves… who either either doesn’t provide adequate closure or lies about it.

                  Believe me, I’ve been through break ups in my time that of been very difficult and I’ve been left hanging at times and other times, the female I broke up with claims they still have been left hanging even though I did my best to provide closure. In that case, I believe it’s because she just couldn’t except my answers and that I was not interested in continuing a relationship with her more than her not understanding it.

                  I know it’s hard, but there are two things at play here. His drug addiction and you were hurt feelings. Because the truth is, even if he did come back to you and say he wants to be with you, if he is actively using drugs, I know I personally pray that you don’t take him back until he’s clean. But I fear that if it does happen, you will take him back because of your feelings for him. But as long as he is using, he will always continue trying to use you to get drugs rather than be a loving man who is trying to tend to your needs.

                  By the way, there is a private message feature on this for him. So if you want to send Joann a private message, click on her name, and go to her profile. There should be a send a private message option right from her profile.

                  I do truly understand how you feel and I am sorry that you are hurting so much. We are here to listen and offer as best help and support as we can.

                  Peace and love,

                  William
                  Publisher of Kill the Heroin Epidemic Nationwide™, Heroin News and the National Alliance of Addiction Treatment Centers.

                  Find a Prescreened Addiction Treatment Center & Drug Rehab Facility

                  Visit our Heroin Addiction & Recovery Blog for daily articles.

                  I do my best to educate myself regarding addiction and recovery related issue, treatment options, etc. however, I am not a medical professional. All opinions are my own and any advice you take from me is at your own risk and discretion

                  Comment

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