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My Mom My Hero - From a Recovering Addict

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  • My Mom My Hero - From a Recovering Addict

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    As an addict and as a mother, I need to take a minute to acknowledge my whole reason for being on this Earth, my mother. You see our relationship is very complicated but with me working in the areas that I have found myself being pulled towards I am learning a new respect for her. My mother is amazing she is beautiful and she has been through so much hell in her life that I felt like I failed her and that hurt really bad you see I have always been a mother hen and tried doing the role reversal trying to be her protector. I went through a lot as you all are aware my story is here and well I reach out to show people a new life and a new reason to find a better way let me tell you why.

    Almost 37 years ago a teenager gave birth in a little town to a little girl that was not expected and well no one knew exactly what this child would be capable of. I was not an easy child I mean you have different mental illnesses that were unspoken of especially when you live up in a small town where the closest real hospital is over an hour away. You can easily fall through the cracks and because well you are different they try and do something that makes you become invisible you get treated like you are an abomination and deserved to be executed. So to mom I was special and beautiful and her miracle, in my mind I was the reason that everything was hard for her that I ruined her
    world. At the tender age of thirteen my mom made one of the most difficult decisions in her life to give me to people who she thought were better able to care for me because she had no idea how to help me understand all this anger and resentment that I had began to build up inside of me and I was constantly finding ways to hurt myself, at first they were accidents and then I began getting depressed started understanding Mr. Yuck stickers and drinking poisons and just a bunch of things looking back on all of this I realize and understand now. I used to think my mom didn't love me that it was easy to just drop me off and not look back; as a mother now and being the woman I had to become by finding recovery I understand something. The hardest thing for a parent is to stand by and not be able to fix their babies and we become so lost that we try and make the right choices and even when those choices seem to be selfish however they are in the best interest of the child.

    My mother and I have butted heads for so many years but because I had a bunch of questions on why did you? How could you? Why didn't you? What if? All these doubts and then I came up with the brilliant idea that I would show them and instead I found myself feeling so much closer with this woman I spent so much time thinking I was abandoned they didn't love me and I was not wanted, but I realized that she wanted more for me and tried to give me a fighting chance. I now have grasped the idea that had I stayed in the whole situation and not experienced the things I did then I could not be the caring compassionate person I am now, granted I am still trying to reprogram the self doubt and remind myself of the whole meaning and all the wonderful things I have done with my life including my children, I now look ather with such an amazing sense of compassion and strength because honestly life could have been a lot worse, I could not have not pulled through this situation and took as much from the knowledge that I had to gain and also being in a similar position has taught me a new respect for her and how she feels inside.

    My mom is a survivor like me how do I know because she has been sick for a while and she continues to push through it and she don't reach out to let anyone know how bad she hurts she don't talk about it. Then you have me I can't shut up and I constantly want to discuss things so we butt heads and then we don't talk because I am scared to upset her because I think in the area of being kid of the year I screwed up miserably, but now we get faced with a situation where the things boil to a head and I
    don't really do good at reaching out to her in special ways but if she sees this and reads it I just want her to know. You are my mom and no matter what life throws at us you will and always have been my secret hero.


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  • #2
    Mandy,

    Thank you for sharing and beautifully written. I think we should all stop and take a moment to offer our respects to our mother and father and/or whomever raised us. If it weren't for them, we wouldn't be here. Thanks for sharing your heart and a dedication to your mother.

    Peace and Love,

    William
    Publisher of Kill the Heroin Epidemic Nationwide™, Heroin News and the National Alliance of Addiction Treatment Centers.

    Find a Prescreened Addiction Treatment Center & Drug Rehab Facility

    Visit our Heroin Addiction & Recovery Blog for daily articles.

    I do my best to educate myself regarding addiction and recovery related issue, treatment options, etc. however, I am not a medical professional. All opinions are my own and any advice you take from me is at your own risk and discretion

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    • #3
      My mom self checked me in on teen recovery (promotional link removed) program being done on a beach retreat. not only did i get proper treatment but it easily became a time of my life. im blessed to have my mom sacrificed a lot for me. i wish for everyone to have the same.

      Comment

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